Get Famous

I was named after Jeremy Irons. Thinking that I have some connection with my namesake, I have since been obsessed with becoming famous. These are my options.

Get Connected
Introduce myself to everyone and anyone. Use the connections I already have to get closer to my ultimate goal. Attend an array of social events with an arsenal of jokes, ice breakers, and small talk. Make my time and conversation a commodity to the party. After I get their attention, I make myself memorable. Maybe I save someone’s life or start a dance circle. Then right after I have won them over, make a modest exit. Get people talking about me; make Jeremy Jack a household name, the topic of discussion on campus, in the office, or even a baby’s first words.

Get Attractive
I can start showering twice a day, using expensive and exotic lotions and conditioners. Wax my chest and stop letting my mom cut my hair. Hit the gym and use supplements that will smooth and tone my pecks and ass. Study John Stamos and mimic his walk, talk and overall demeanor.

Get Scandalous
No publicity is bad publicity right? I hit all the hottest clubs in town, wearing short shorts and a bow tie. Start a tab with my mom’s credit card and get bottle service. Dance on stage until I fall or get escorted off. Get into a fist fight with the cover band for not playing My Sharona. Make out with at least five things including but not limited to ashtrays, coats, hand rails, bouncers, and cougars. All of this after multiple stints in rehab of course.

Get Fearless
Fortunately I am not afraid to be in the lime light, but sometimes I can be self conscious. I could completely get over this throwing caution to the wind. Take every opportunity to get on camera, on air and on stage. Be open to any new experience and take it to the max, aka take my clothes off.

Get Talented
If all else fails, I guess I could get good at something. Maybe take singing or acting lessons. Learn an instrument or blackmail a director. Try out for a professional sports team or invent a dance move called the Gentleman Squeeze.

Rich Loman is into it!!!